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Feeling anxious

I have been feeling anxious the last couple of days. I took an oxazepam yesterday and one today. I used to eat benzos every day, different kinds, but now I haven’t used them regularly for a couple of years. Still have some though, in case I need them. I hope this is a short period that I need them. They are kinda numbing.

My Love is in Berlin. We moved together over a year ago. Sometimes we are at work at different times so that we only sleep in the same bed, but don’t see each other awake for days. And I’ve been away, visiting friends in other towns, and visiting my mother – who also live in another town. My Love has been visiting her friends and her mother, they too living in another town. But still, it feels different with her in another country. She’ll be home at the night between friday and saturday.Maybe being home alone, or with our cats, is what is making me anxious…

I haven’t gotten any writing done either. I have a notebook beside my bed, and I did write some things down the other night, just before I fell asleep. Haven’t been able to write anything of it though. Not that it ain’t any good, but because I can’t concentrate…

I went shopping today. Got my pay, and there was a lot I really needed. Still, it increases my anxiousness, that I spent so much money.

After returning home, I’ve been doing hand crafts and watching NCIS. First I did this toy mouse for the cats. Or it really doesn’t look very much like a mouse, but I call it a mouse anyways. I filled it with cotton and catnip. The cat’s liked it quite a lot. After that I started to knit a cardigan for myself. Found this beautiful yarn, it is blue, but whit a hint af green. Not really turquise, but almost. And it is so soft…

Still. Not having the greatest of days.

Tomorrow I’ll try do some cleaning. Our bedroom is a mess. On Friday a friend is coming over. And then that night, My Love will come home. Then I have saturday off, and Sunday I’m at work. And on Monday, me and My Love are going to Tallinn, Estonia on a day trip.

I colored my hair today. I thought it would make me feel better. But the color wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted red, and I mean RED. I bought this other companys color than the one I usually used, cause it seemed redder. But it wasn’t. Now my hair is dark with a red tint. I wanted Real Red. Ah well, I guess this is ok… At least it’s not my own color.

And my phone is sick. That is, it went on my nerves for the last time, and since I still had guarantie left, I took it back and they sent it to be repaired. So now I use my old phone. Which at least works, even if it’s an irritating phone too.

Now I’ll guess I’ll go to bed. I’ll read something and then sleep. I have a couple of books in the middle. I have read both before, but I want to read them again. The first one is easy-read, that is J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone. The other one is Robert Jordans… What was the first book named again? The Wheel of the Time Series. Something like “The Eye of the World” maybe?

Ah well. I’ll go to bed, read a bit and tomorrow I’ll try clean this mess up. And with “this mess” I mean this appartment, focusing on the bedroom.


One response to “Feeling anxious

  1. Will ⋅

    Ok just take it a day at a time till the other half comes home, Everything will be fine just play with the kitty. Night.

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