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The Making of Decisions

People sometimes talk about how hard it is to make up your mind, come to a decision. I find it to be a question of keeping to the decision, that is hard. I can make a decision per second, if I want to, but as new information come to my attention, I might change my mind.

I read a quote once, I don’t remember who said it, but here it is:

“If you can’t change your mind, are you sure you still have one?”

It is one of the quotes I live by, along with:

“You see things and you say “why?” but I dream things that never were and say “why not?” – George Bernard Shaw –

And because all things come in threes, here is my third favorite quote, this one by Marilyn Monroe:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Now, back too decisions.

When it comes to making decisions like “what shall I do today?” or “Should I eat pasta or potatoes with the chicken?” the decision might feel hard at the time but it passes quickly and you seldom have to ponder the questions for any longer period of time. The same goes with the bigger questions like “If the house is on fire and you can save only one thing, which is it?”. I mean, if your house really is on fire, I doubt you will spend much time of thinking at all – instinct kicks in place instead. After, you’ll probably spend a lot of time pondering what you could have done different, but hopefully a shrink will help you see the futility with that kind of thinking.

The hardest kind of decisions, at least for me, is the once about opinions. I mean, it is almost impossible to get ALL the information that there is, to form an opinion. First, you might get information x, y and z and then form an opinion based on these. Then you might get the additional information r, s and t which make you question your previous decision, or strengthen it. And the pieces of information do not end with the alphabet.

I do not like to make final decisions when it comes to matters of opinion. Rather, I find it to be really hard to make up my mind if someone presses me. “You should stand up for what you believe in”, they say. And yes, I do that. I just do not believe in very much. It is very few things that I have a strong opinion about.

When I do form an opinion, then I tend to stick to it. I might form “ponderings” that might seem like opinions, but are just the impression I have at the moment of something, and these change easily when new information is added. Actual opinions I have few. I can only think of one right now.

This one opinion is the one about sexual intercourse and sexual relations. I am of the strong opinion that in a sexual relationship, all participants should be in this relation of their own free will, and they should have enough ability to make this decision to be there an informed decision; have a mature enough picture to understand what they decide and all the consequences of this decision. (Sorry for the clumsy way to express the second part of my opinion, I have to work on the wording of that..)

This means, no sexual relationships with children or animals. Same sex relationships on the other hand, there is no problem with. Nor is there anything wrong with group sex, bondage and all that other stuff I personally do not understand. As long as the persons in those activities are there according to the conditions stated above, I see no problem with it just because I do not understand the desire to be hit or dominated or something like that. I just chse to not participate, and let those who do, do it.

The hardest part of this particular opinion, is when it comes to questions about who is able to make “an informed decision to be in the sexual relationship in question”. Some are easy, like children and animals are not able to, while many adult humans are. Then, there are the hard once. Like mentally disabled humans. They usually have sexual desires like everyone else, but if they cannot take care of themselves, how can they decide to be in a sexual relationship? On the other hand, who has the right to forbid them to be in one? If the parents make all the decisions for their mentally disabled, adult child, should they then decide over these questions as well? That do not sound right to me. On the other hand, if the mentally disabled decide for themselves, they might easily be the target for an abuser. This is not a question I have an answer to, I have not formed an opinion. To make it even harder, there are, of course, different degrees of mental disability. Where should the line be drawn between “able to make a decision and not able to”? Mentally disabled have the right to have relationships just like everyone else, but how to be sure they are in it by their own free will if they otherwise cannot even speak or use the toilet?

Then there is the question about teenagers. When is a teenager too much of a child, when is a teenager mature enough to make decisions about sex? The law says one thing, but people are not all the same. People mature differently. Personally, I lost my virginity way too soon. I was not ready mentally – but I did not understand that until much later. Others though, they might be. Some people just mature earlier. Personally, I would say “no sex when you are under 18”, but when I have participated in discussions about the matter, most have not agreed. So I guess it differs from person to person. Some might actually be ready for a sexual relationship at 14, even though I cannot understand it. Then of course there is the question of with whom they are ready. If a mature 14 year old have a relationship with a 35 year old, I see nothing but wrong with it. Should there be a law about mature 14 year old’s having relationships with only other of the same age? This is far too complicated for me as I already said I matured late when it came to sex, and thus cannot understand how a teenager could possibly be ready for sex with anyone.

So, even the one question I actually have formed a strong opinion about, have some questions still to be answered.

Thus, as a conclusion to this topic, and the point of this topic, I want to say I do not understand fanatics. People who are of such an extreme opinion about things – religion, politics, anything – that they do not even consider listening to other opinions. I find it to be so ridiculous and do not understand it.

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