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As I am here in Oulu, I am slowly coming to the realization that I really, truly want to be an artist. I want to write, paint and do hand crafted arts. Who would pay me for that though?

Society is said to work the way that you just try to get a job to pay the bills and then on your free time you do all those things that you want to do. I am wondering though. Who really does that? Who has the strength to work all day and then actually try to better themselves at writing, painting and so on? Put into that a kid or two, and your day is like:

“get up, kids to kindergarten/school, get to work, work, get the kids, get home, maybe go buy groceries, try to get the kids to do their homework, actually spend some time with your kids, get kids to bed and then finally have some free time and spend it lying on the sofa watching TV until you crawl into bed”

I do not have any human kids, only furry kids, but still, that is the picture I have gotten that it is like. Weekends then are full with kid stuff and trying to gather some strength for the next week..

Even without kids, when I have had one full day of schooling, when I come home I am too tired to paint or write. I watch some dvd:s and knit… maybe read something. But I have no time to be really creative. Weekends go by as I try to gather strength. Time to actually be creative has been two times during the time I’ve been here. Actually got two paintings done. A little writing too.

Had this great idea I wanted to write, but when I got home from the course I was so tired and had other things to take care of first, and when I finally got the time to sit down in front of the computer, I had forgotten it.

Who would pay me to be an artist, and at the same time a stay at home mommy if me and My Love ever have kids..?


2 responses to “Realizations

  1. deepfrier

    creativity is such a fundamental thing within human behaviour, that whenever people live decently enough on every spectrum of live, the need to get to it increases.

    but it’s also true our societies as a whole are still probably not good enough, not aware enough, to fully understand the benefits of it… to also properly teach it and hence allow it.

    In that sense especially, as most people -it’s not their fault tough – still don’t have the sensibility to feel it first and then get it, make being creative in any way an act of courage… along with all the other difficulties.

    I feel your frustration, but the beautiful thing is that you too, keep on going anyway, and that’s what matter, the number of creative people has increased incredibly, and hardly none of them ever really stops, like you.

    So yeah it’s sad, but at least, if this positive trend keeps on going, maybe in the future people we’ll also regard you as one of the people who fought the odds, at a time when it was still hard, but that ultimately helped everyone understand.

    I feel like excusing what I just wrote anyway, maybe what you needed or wanted was no answer and to feel a little alone, but I really felt you, like a think many others… but yeah, sorry if this didn’t feel appropriate.

    • crAzyKiTz

      I do appreciate your comment, and feel it is appropriate. Comments tend to encourage me onward, to keep trying. I have enough loneliness in my life anyways.. And it is nice to know that someone actually read what I wrote. Thank you!

      As for your comment, I find it to be insightful and you do have a point. Even though sometimes I do not feel like I’m one of those trying… I feel more like I am stuck on trying to continue trying… But I guess that is better than nothing too.

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