I got the results/explanation why I did not get into the education/job as a kindergarden nurse.
First, the results from the written tests:
Verbal abilities = 5
Mathematical abilities = 5
Social situations test = 4
Techincal questions = 5
4 = better than average
5 = considerably better than average
(scale was 1-5)
Together with the face-to-face interview the result was: 1.
1 = failed.
What DO we learn from this?
– I should just shut up and keep to writing.
Got kinda cut off in the middle last time. But since I always get irritated if My Love is doing something and do not listen to me when I have something to say, and instead goes on doing what she is doing, I figured I cannot ignore her when she has something to say. And I enjoy talking to my Honey. I guess I could have continued with the writing after we had talked, but I just did not feel like it. It was a spur of the moment thought and thus post, that I felt I could not continue with the same feeling later.
Anyways, did not get the place as kindergarden nurse. Do not know why not, waiting for the explanation of the resluts – the result came quickly, but not the explanation.
So, once again I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life. Except writing. I started to think should I make a return to science? It is after all a branch I get. Just need a little reminder. So thus I’m reading a general physics book. It was a book I bought when I attended a physics course at the University of Bergen (Norway) where I spent one year 2003-2004. It’s not that new thus, but since it is mostly basic, it is okay. I mean, you still calculate angels, speeds and accelerations the same way you counted them ten years ago.
I’m also plan a trip to the library of Math and Natural Sciences at the University of Helsinki. Even though I’m not enrolled at the University, I atteined the lending card to the University Libraries many years ago. The city library is okay if I want fiction books, but the University Libraries are more up to date with fact books, and they have a broader variety on many subjects. So I usually use the University Library more.
If I am to return to the field of science, I have about 8-9 months time to remind myself of enough physics and math to be able to apply for a place at the University. So here we go again. Maybe this time, things will turn out okay?
Part of my writing, that is. So nervous! I have known this guy for over a year now, but never met him in real life. Internet friend. We have quiet a lot in common, and when I once told him I’m writing a fantasy-story, he said he’d like to read it… Or part of it. And now I had gotten this one part ready, that is about a 40 year old family man who finds himself somewhere he really did not expect… My Love read it and commented some time ago, and I have rewritten it and made it better. Now I figured it would be good to get the opinion of someone who actually is a familyman 😀 And as I know one, and he had said he’s like to read my writings, I got my courage together and asked him to read this text. He said he is honored to, and now I’m waiting…
I have a headache again. Have had for some days now – feels like I have more days with headache than without.. Guess I should start marking the days with headache so I could be sure…
Oh, and I was on the psychological suitability tests. The results are to be sent by mail in the beginning of next week. Tomorrow or the day after that is then. I do not want to think too much about it, I get so nervous… I really want that place!!
It’s planning on driving me crazy, I think. I’ve been to the dentist three times now, and it still aches. In three weeks I have the next appointment, but if it still hurts on Monday, I should call them and make an appointment sooner. So let’s see how it goes.
5th September I have a group interview for an education/job. Kindergarden nurse, or whatever it is called in English. If I’ll get the place, I’ll go to to work and at the same time study – less theory, more practice. 80% of the education is learned at work, only 20% in an actual school environment.
This solution because I have a hard time making up my mind on what to study when it comes to more theoretical subjects. I like to read stuff, but for myself. I only have one Masters degree, I’m starting to feel like getting another would just bore me. Wanna do something more practical, involving people that are not about to die (like old people or sick people – they do need care too, I’m just not the one suitable to give it). And then by myself read all kinds of fun books and of course write, write, write.
I’ve written a little, but not much. I have been too stressed. Got a lot to do, and this tooth ache to boot.
When I went to see my psychologist last week, she was amazed with how much I am doing. Like looking for another job/education, selling my apartment, all my little hand craft projects, writing… And having a tooth ache. Well, yeah, I guess it’s a lot, but I have to do them all. And I should do more. There is so little time and so much to do..
My Love took me out for lunch today. Not a fancy place, but a place of my choice. I always now and then get a cravingfor their foods, and I haven’t been there for over a year I think, so now we went. To Rax, that is. With its pizza and salad buffet. Unhealthy and all, but I was hungry as hell and there you do not have to wait. And like I said, I always now and then get this craving to go there. So when she asked where I wanted to go, I chose Rax.
I would have chosen maybe Chico’s but we only had about 1,5 hours and both were really hungry, so we did not have the time to wait. Chico’s have good food, but last time we went there, we had to wait for about an hour to get the food we ordered – and it was not THAT crowded. So, next time we go there, we have to have a lot of time on our hands.
I’d really like to go to Cantina West. It is a tex mex restaurant with a bar. I do not usually like very spicy food, but I’ve looked at the menu and they have foods I think I can eat too. And I was there once, but not eating, and the food looked SO delicious. It’s the kind of place though, that you have to have at least three hours to spend there, and I do not like to go there on friday-sunday, because it gets really crowded and I do not like crowds very much… But I’ve talked about the place with My Love, and we are going there… Some day… My Love loves spicy food, so she really likes to go there too.
Now I’m at work though. This old one, as a personal care assistant. It’s an okay job, I like my employer (a.k.a. the person I assist) and it’s easy. But it’s only 24 hours/week, and lousy pay – the city pays me, so… I’d like a full time job, so I’m looking for something else. Oh, and I’d also like a job where I can get an education, or something…
I have with me here a knitting project. I’m knitting myself a skirt made of knitted patches. My kindle is also with me, with a lot of books 🙂 I’m reading Dean Koontz right now, but also Stephen King, and The collected Sherlock Holmes mysteries… And I have a lot of other books waiting too. And then there is of course all the facts-books.. Like this book about the sex trade in the west, and this other one about gypsies, and different religious books – I’m in the middle of a wiccan book right now… And then others… There is not time enough to read everything I want to read…
Some days ago My Love got the Sims 3 game (for PC). I tried it this evening. Now I have troubles sleeping, because I keep thinking about what I need to do different in the game 😀 I had not played the game before, so I did a lot of mistakes. So now when I tried to go to sleep, sleep would not come – even though I am tired!
So, I decided to get up and read a little before trying to sleep again. It’s a good thing I can’t play Sims now, ’cause then I’d probably be up all night 😀 The game is installed on our desk computer, which is in the bed room. And since My Love is sleeping, I can’t use that one. So now I’m writing this on my laptop.
I don’t know what I should read, but gotta read something, to get my mind of the game so that I then can go to sleep.
I have been feeling anxious the last couple of days. I took an oxazepam yesterday and one today. I used to eat benzos every day, different kinds, but now I haven’t used them regularly for a couple of years. Still have some though, in case I need them. I hope this is a short period that I need them. They are kinda numbing.
My Love is in Berlin. We moved together over a year ago. Sometimes we are at work at different times so that we only sleep in the same bed, but don’t see each other awake for days. And I’ve been away, visiting friends in other towns, and visiting my mother – who also live in another town. My Love has been visiting her friends and her mother, they too living in another town. But still, it feels different with her in another country. She’ll be home at the night between friday and saturday.Maybe being home alone, or with our cats, is what is making me anxious…
I haven’t gotten any writing done either. I have a notebook beside my bed, and I did write some things down the other night, just before I fell asleep. Haven’t been able to write anything of it though. Not that it ain’t any good, but because I can’t concentrate…
I went shopping today. Got my pay, and there was a lot I really needed. Still, it increases my anxiousness, that I spent so much money.
After returning home, I’ve been doing hand crafts and watching NCIS. First I did this toy mouse for the cats. Or it really doesn’t look very much like a mouse, but I call it a mouse anyways. I filled it with cotton and catnip. The cat’s liked it quite a lot. After that I started to knit a cardigan for myself. Found this beautiful yarn, it is blue, but whit a hint af green. Not really turquise, but almost. And it is so soft…
Still. Not having the greatest of days.
Tomorrow I’ll try do some cleaning. Our bedroom is a mess. On Friday a friend is coming over. And then that night, My Love will come home. Then I have saturday off, and Sunday I’m at work. And on Monday, me and My Love are going to Tallinn, Estonia on a day trip.
I colored my hair today. I thought it would make me feel better. But the color wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted red, and I mean RED. I bought this other companys color than the one I usually used, cause it seemed redder. But it wasn’t. Now my hair is dark with a red tint. I wanted Real Red. Ah well, I guess this is ok… At least it’s not my own color.
And my phone is sick. That is, it went on my nerves for the last time, and since I still had guarantie left, I took it back and they sent it to be repaired. So now I use my old phone. Which at least works, even if it’s an irritating phone too.
Now I’ll guess I’ll go to bed. I’ll read something and then sleep. I have a couple of books in the middle. I have read both before, but I want to read them again. The first one is easy-read, that is J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone. The other one is Robert Jordans… What was the first book named again? The Wheel of the Time Series. Something like “The Eye of the World” maybe?
Ah well. I’ll go to bed, read a bit and tomorrow I’ll try clean this mess up. And with “this mess” I mean this appartment, focusing on the bedroom.
crazykitz 